distorted Ateneo reputation
September 16, 2005I am here because I needed a scholarship to get me to school. I have scouted everywhere, by my own self (thank you) and without the need of my parents, my teachers or anybody else’ aid. I went to places to apply, but I got the best offers from where I am now.
Nevertheless, I hate that I am one of them at present. Whether I like it or not, the definition of an Atenean to other people is as well already defined in me. People who look at my blue and white uniform look at me as if wanting to distance from me. You could see from their eyes that a message, and most probably a not-so-likable one is processing in their heads about you. Well not really about you, but since you wear that blue and white uniform, since you belong there now, then it’s also you.
My cousin, a HS junior at the same school where I graduated from, told me she hated Ateneo, because accordingly, it is Pugad ng Prostitusyon. Being one who stayed in this school, I got hurt with that, although not entirely, because being here told me it isn’t really real. I mean, yes, there are still the conios and the social climbers and the real social classes, but you can always find the people whom you can be with, and as long as you do not mind their (conios, et al) businesses then it’s not really too big a deal. Isa pa, a lot of beauties and rich students here are just better off with their cash and their faces. I have one silent thing better than them, and it’s my brain.
The Beacon magazine was released just today, instead of last month. In fact, it is already delayed and yet they added to the crap by not producing copies enough for the student body. I actually didn’t get a copy myself, and I had to resort to borrowing one from my classmate who happens to have it but is not actually interested with it.
So what is the deal with Beacon? It’s not the copies. It’s because of an article that proved cases of prostitution in school. How shameful could that be. Mabuti sana if the reason was to get a good education. I mean, why don’t you just read:
“Gusto ko talagang mag-aral dito kasi you know, sikat, di tulad nung dati kong school (laughs). Eh, mahal ang tuition fee, di naman kaya ng parents ko kaya nung nakita ko yung kapitbahay ko, nagtatrabaho di siya sa bar kaya naisipan ko, why not? Ambisyosa ako, eh.” - *Erin
Isn’t that a shallow reason? And it isn’t that a good enough proof of this school’s distorted reputation, that it draws a bunch of students because of it’s mere kasikatan, because it is Ateneo, because rich kids study here? And isn’t this statement enough to assert that really, one day this school could be a nest for prostitutes?
I do not want to conclude that it’s just because of ambition. I cannot blame them for doing it dahil mahirap nga naman talaga ang daloy ng pera ngayon. But I would have raised my respect for these people if they do it because they really want the EDUCATION. The Ateneo Education, far from just the mere satisfaction of their luho’s.
If they were in it because they thirst for knowledge, wisdom, and learning itself, I daresay I respect them far more than those who study in our school because they are rich and they just wanted to flaunt it around the campus, with their brains sleeping. But to feed some desires that are least significant, tangible, and can be stolen by any means, to appear as someone they aren’t, well…
Oh well, what can I do…it’s their choices. It’s their lives. Live and let live.
The Laramie Project
September 14, 2005It’s SIMO in school. It means Social Involvement month. It’s a great event because really, students get to be socially involved. Just last meeting, we viewed a docu-movie, called the Laramie Project, a part of it’s programme, which practically covered our History period.
Laramie Project is quite unfamiliar. In fact, had I not viewed it last Tuesday, I wouldn’t have known. Laramie is common to the ears of US citizens, primarily those who have had their minds already receptive to their environment by 1998. I was on my 6th grade that time here in the Philippines.
Laramie, Wyoming: the murder-place of Matthew Shepard on the early month of October, for the mere reason of his gay sexuality. Was the reason for his murder worth his heinous death? I think not.
Matt was just 5′2, killed by around 5′7 individuals, tied on a fence to minus his chance of escape, hit on the head for a frustrating number of times that caused him a serious skull fracture and internal head bleeding. When he was found 18 hours after the crime, he had blood all over, save the area where his tears flowed when he cried. After a few quiet and heavy days on the hospital, he finally gave up.
Why was he brutally killed? Because he was gay. Such a shallow reason. Such a shallow cause. Such an overwhelming effect. He was obviously killed because he is not among the common, because he was different. His being homosexual was not welcomed by those who took away his life.
The movie was so heavy, it triggered tears to come out of my eyes. The television was only 2-3 meters directly in front of me. Whatever came out of it easily shocked the hell out of me.
I wonder why gays and lesbians have to receive such treatment. Not murder really, but the simple daily act that is visible to us—discrimination. We have to think that their sexuality is not their sin. It was because that thing made them happy and comfortable with themselves. The struggle that they have to undergo for self-discovery, understanding of self-worth, and for the acceptance of what they really are are already difficult phases for them. What more with the fact that, when they finally accepted what they are, others cannot already accept them?
Would we want the same thing happen to us? Is deprivation of our own happiness and dignity something that’s almost to nothing?
Why don’t we just live and let live?
here we go again..
September 11, 2005there’s a song playing on my mind..
–<>–
here I go again,
standing in your arms crying
here you go again
make me forget everything
you keep me smiling
they say our love is just a phase
who believes that anyway?
but I’m going to far
I wanna be where you are
–<>–
I want to get over these 2 years and be with you. I want to be where you are…Why is life making things difficult for both of us? We haven’t any other fault but loving each other. Why are you so far away from me?
–<>–
Here I go again
Standing in your arms crying
It starts all over again
Baby, I love you
I wanna be where you are
–<>–
what’s with Manang Merin and the Top? BLAH….
September 8, 2005Okay okay. I am beginning to have it in Literature. Nakakasira pala talaga ng ulo!
I have to analyze whether Tik, the persona, and at the same time seemed innocent in the story, is really innocent! I have to prove by analyzing the story, usually by looking for the invisible clues in the story. Yikes! I have never had a headache for Lit. This is the first headache ever.
But considering my rest status, that simple analysis should really give me a headache. ATTENTION: I haven’t had good sleep since Midterm Exams, which was two weeks ago. After Midterms, a sad thing happened, my grandma died, and the wake took away my should-have-been-resting week. I am so far okay at the moment, except that after a few good hours in the internet would drive me once again to sleep. Should I thank that? A natural sleeping pill? Hehehe..
To get my sleeping record set, I woke up past 11 am this morning, slept again at around 12, and woke up around 4. And then now I am again sleepy.
That is why as much as I would want to, I cannot get myself to read Manang Merin and the Top for a hundredth time. This is the dumb me talking. I know I will not get it if I push myself. Oh sheets..I have a headache coming.
SHould I sleep? hehehe..
my award-winning essay..wahahaha!!
September 6, 2005Ok..it is not really award winning. It did not win anything special or notable, maybe just the heart of my literature teacher…
The essay has no title, but it is written for Paz Marquez Benitez’ Dead Stars, which is so far my favorite story in the whole world of literature. I am proud that it is a work of my fellow Filipina.
When my teacher distributed the essays, she first called my name. My essay was on top! But of course, I did not think it was in a particular order. Who would arrange essays according to their remarks? That is just not a trend. Perhaps more like my dream..hehehe..
So my paper was on top, and then when I took the paper, there wasn’t anything violet (for she loved using violet sign pens) on it. I even uttered “nohay score” just in front of my prof. I think she did not hear me though, not with the crowd my other classmates were creating while looking for their essay papers at her table.
My essay was an eight-paged paper, the longest essay submitted in class. I was timid about telling that to my classmates, for their essays were three-paged at most. I was silently wondering that time how did they compress everything in three pages, when in fact, each page were double-spaced. Their essays were so short, I was afraid I was already committing the “going around the bush” crime already! I glanced at my paper at the third page. Oh sheets, I was just starting to explain why the story was entitled Dead Stars on that part!
When we submitted it, I kept it along the other papers promptly, so others wouldn’t have to spot the thickness of my work.
When I received it a few hours ago, I scanned through the pages and found, finally, some violet ink on some parts of my essay. I smiled, after expecting a bad comment, when I saw a “very good” remark somewhere at the middle of my work. And if that was not enough for my satisfaction, I saw another violet-scribbled “true!” remark on another paragraph. I was deeply and silently proud of what I said on that part of the essay. That was a self-realization, which my teacher agreed so, and as a student, that is something for me.
On that paragraph, I said, “But love, for me, and from the situations I have seen and encountered in my life, does not go hand in hand with practicality. One somehow, has to do some battling with the odds. And if one decides to join the battle, he is absolutely not being practical.” Wow! How true that is! And I realized that on my own!
And to make me more joyous and cheerful and have a really wide smile shape on my lips, I saw another “very good” remark at the foot of the last page of my essay. It was an overall observation! Nobody ever, not one teacher I had since high school, affirmed my essays with such. It is only “very good”, I understand, and it may be so common for you, but it clearly is something for me. Am I being mushy now? Oh please just leave me be…
And of course, the best thing ever, a proof that my essay won the heart of my literature prof, was the perfect 90 points she granted it. Perfect 40 for content, another 40 for organization, and 10 points for presentation. Oh sheets…I got a 100% grade for that essay!
I could die! hehehe!
In truth, I could say, na pinaghirapan ko rin naman ng husto iyon. I gave my best to that essay, and I wrote it with all my passions on writing.
Like I said to someone else, I am the happiest frustrated essayist at this moment in the universe, and nothing could ever divert me away from this feeling.
8/25/05-00:55
