who says I’m evil?

October 23, 2005

My parents feel indifferent with me lately, because clearly, I have had been doing nothing but face the computer (for academic reasons, of course) as well as uttering words such as defense, CS, paper, and other annoying scholastic tail tales.
Apparently, I have been giving more priority to my school work. I have been giving a low participation here at home. The only chore I do was to arrange my messy table whenever I have the chance to, or wash the dishes if it is my schedule to do it.

Looks like I do not exist. Well, partly, it is my fault, because I willed not to exist because my mind was left inside the campus grounds even if I was already home. Sometimes I do not even eat.

My parents didn’t care as well, or I think they didn’t. I know that they talk about my recent attitude sometimes at night. I wouldn’t be surprised if they would even despise me one of these days.

Or they are just plain insecure with my situation. Well, they do not know how hard my situation is. That is why I try so hard to understand them, with my barely almost 19-year old mind. I cannot blame them for feeling that way for me. Maybe they thought they had lost control over me, or that I am slowly drifting away from them.

Since it is Sem break this time, I cleaned the house, particularly the living room. I missed cleaning, mind you. What will all the computer routines. They are still indifferent, although I think the feeling eased a bit with me cleaning and finally giving some participations. I just wonder how “not cleaning” made me evil.

A lot of people regard one person good, but that person does not even know how to wash the damn dishes. She might not have even held a soft broom! But she is good because she does good things.

I am evil because I did not do a single chore, although I did so for my studies. Nobody in this home says I am good, because I failed to sweep the floors or apply a wax in them. All for academic reasons. And yes, I’ve been treated this way.

How pathetic.

Semestral heck

I’ve been 2 days off the first semester - damn, my body has never showed so much signs of tiredness. I feel my hands dancing to a melody only they can hear. I guess they were too used with moving so much. What with all the paperworks I needed to accomplish and all the final exams I had to get rid of.

My head was also pounding a while ago. I don’t know if it’s because I read the Harry Potter book for a few good hours, but I guess it has also something to do with facing the computer every now and then last semester. I am glad it is over, though I couldn’t help from being sad that my favorite Literature class will have to end.

As of the moment I am trying to pull myself and do some new things. I still read, but this time for imaginative purposes, as well as language purposes. Since I do not watch TV anymore, I sometimes find it hard to keep up with my vocabulary. Well, my vocabulary was never really good. Sometimes I just try to understand them the way I wanted to. Funny, huh?

I also look through the net for free movies. I hate having to go to the pueblo and discharge another 15 pesos for a scratchy movie.

I cleaned the house first thing in the morning, like I cleaned our room first thing in the morning yesterday. Fain I would see lesser dusts, or that my nose could feel lesser dusts, because, really, my nose is not fond of them. They make me Rudolph-nosed.

I had a fight - too bad - with myself. That really makes me say FUCK all over and over again.

I hope this semester will go well. I cannot take anymore stealing under the roof where I am today. It just makes you lose your trust to a lot of people.

I guess that would be it for this entry. I am writing another about something. I will to separate it from here ’cause that’ll bombard my title.

I’m just tired. I hope I caould exile myself somewhere and just pause from seeing some people particularly one person, as well as my profs.