write me a song
October 6, 2005Kelly is raising a son
His dad left just after the birth
Now she’s living on child support checks
I guess that’s all that man was worth
She says, “I just need a man who will love me
“But they all just want one night of sin
“I know my life could be better
“I just don’t know where I should begin.”
She said write me a song
One that makes all the girls cry
And the old women swoon at the sound of my tune
And the hearts of the lonely will fly
Yeah, they’ll fly…
Beth, she sings straight from her heart
She’s hidden her tracks very well
But these days she’s falling apart
And it makes me feel just like hell
She said, “Boy, you can’t imagine my life
“The death and the drugs and the pain
“And though I keep running
“I can’t seem to break from these chains.”
She said write me a song
And fill it all up with the words
Like “brilliant” and “heavenly”
Make it sound just like me
Just like the first time “I love you” was heard
And now write me a song
One that makes all the girls cry
And the old women swoon at the sound of my tune
And the hearts of the lonely will fly
We’re all feeding our lonely
Like it might go away
The doors of heaven swing wide
If we just find the right words to say
She said write me a song
And fill it all up with the words
Like “brilliant” and “heavenly”
Make it sound just like me
Just like the first time “I love you” was heard
And now write me a song
One that makes all the girls cry
And the old women swoon at the sound of my tune
And the hearts of the lonely will fly
Yeah, they’ll fly…
Procrastinating
October 2, 2005Waaaahhh!!!! Here I go again!
I just hate this bad habit. Procrastinating. It’s my personal murderer. Much as my Passion fuels me, procrastination just always has a way of messing things.
But that statement is wrong. I do not have passion on what I am doing. Had I been doing what I really love to do, had these work been more of fragile steps towards my dream, no way can procrastination kill my spirit. But who wants to form DFD’s? If my future is to become stucked in an office and pitifully sitting in front of a computer, then I would rather procrastinate and try fueling my self with enough interest (if that can happen) before I start. I am the one that kills me, and I only use procrastination to do it. In short, I allow me to kill myself.
I wish I were somewhere else studying design. I wish I were holding these colorful fabrics and looking into houses and thinking of an ideal plan to make it look more cozy and home-like. I want to be someone who makes other people smile by letting their own homes and workspaces put up that smile on their faces. I want to be remembered not by my effort but my burning passion.
I want to be somewhere else, but I am stucked here studying what I never want to study afterall. And it just feels like hell.
I would want to leave while there is still time. But no one would let me.
I just wonder, why do I listen to them? Are they me?
Oh well, panaginip.
Love
September 30, 2005When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you, yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you, believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
–excerpt from Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet
linger
I’m so damn dozy
You’re so damn slow.
Wouldn’t want to linger here
Anylonger than before.
Hurry, hurry, or you’ll miss
Miss what’s out to see
My candle flame is slowly
Dying with ling’ring plea.
I’m so damn dozy,
But still ling’ring on the floor,
Hurry, hurry, the flames’ a-dying!
Don’t make me say, “you never saw.”
on freedom ( a philo reflection)
September 27, 2005
Are humans free? Are we entitled to do everything we wanted to do, we wanted to accomplish, we wanted to get, everywhere we wanted to arrive at? Do we have the complete assurance that nobody is in control? What about our liabilities? Our weaknesses and shortcomings? Do they say that we are not free?
A few days ago, I had to absent myself from school due to an incessant pain in my upper right abdomen. After running series of tests advised by four different medical experts, we found out that it was because my right kidney cannot anymore hold a valuable amount of water which causes my acidity level to rise up real frequently. This means that unless I feed myself with water in an atleast-1-glass-per-hour basis, then my kidney would never return to it hydrating state again. So, every now and then I have to refill my bottle of water and visit the washroom (the part which I really hate) to keep the pain away.
So how does that make a connection to freedom? Let me get to the sad part. The water therapy that is recommended to me is REALLY water therapy. Water yesterday, water now, water later, and water tomorrow. For the past few days I have been drinking no other liquids (except milk) than water. I have been dismally derived from the victuals that used to keep my taste buds gloriously energetic and are those that practically are still taken by normal people my age or even not. I miss soft drinks, cola or Mountain Dew, and since I am unfortunately “salty-toothed”, I have to say goodbye temporarily to curls and chips, French Fries, or anything at all that has salt in them. I can take some but those that appear in finer amounts. The week has been hellish, but for my own sake, I have to ride onto this jeep of wellness.
Pretty much as you can see, I have been derived of my freedom to eat what I want. You might say that this thing that I am undergoing now makes me think that if that is the case, then we are not really free. Actually not. This experience tells me a lot of things about freedom. If I look into the past, I could admit that I was free to eat whatever that pleased my eyes and get my tongue enthusiastic. But sadly, I abused that freedom. I had the opportunity, the freedom to take good care of myself before but I landed into the other side of the field. I was careless and undeniably reckless, and I had to hear my kidneys weeping for help before I finally stop.
If I were derived from those things now, that is because I was not responsible enough in handling my own freedom. Had I taken the more nutritious foods with a sufficient amount of water, and not to worsen things by taking in coke, I would’ve well reached the homeostatic state of my body. There wouldn’t have been any problem at all. But with how I moved, I really deserve whatever I have to undergo today. And good for me because I was given another chance to straighten my stooping back.
Now, I could say I am in the disciplinary mode. Discipline. It is what that I also lacked when I was wreaking a lot of consumption of those health-endangering foods. The next time that my freedom will be given back to me, I already have learned a lot of lesson to become careless again.
So are humans free? Yes we are. But the freedom humans have is not ABSOLUTE. It comes with great responsibility and hanging on its tail is real discipline. Unless we are hurting ourselves (like what I did with my right kidney), or step onto other people’s shoes, then we can do it without the hang of being derived of that freedom one day. But we also have the freedom to abuse, and that is our choice. If we choose to abuse that freedom, certainly, it will let us pay in return.
In my reflection, I guess freedom shall never work on a one-way street basis. We are given freedom; we give back responsibility and discipline. It follows the it-takes-two-to-tango statement. Freedom is not just one beautiful word. If you do not read “responsibility” and “discipline” between the lines, then you might not enjoy freedom at its best.
